OUR INFERTILITY JOURNEY

I've been pretty open about the fact that my husband and I have struggled to conceive over the past 9yrs. For years I suspected that I might have PCOS after lots of google searches. A lot of the symptoms I was experiencing all lead back to the same thing. I finally went to see my gynecologist where she confirmed what I had long suspected.

PCOS has made it hard to lose and maintain my weight. My periods are extremely irregular. I was going anywhere from 3-7 months with no cycle. Which when you're trying to conceive you can see how that would be a major issue. No cycle = no ovulation. Mood swings in full force and don't even get me started on the facial hair. Ugh!

After trying medications to help with fertility and tracking my ovulation cycles for two years we decided to check out a recommended fertility clinic. We went ahead and went through with the IUI procedure. There were so many injections and the cost of the meds was outrageous. And because my body does what it wants it took even longer for my ovulation to start which meant even more meds which meant more money. After it failed I didn't want to try again. The emotional toll that it took on me I just couldn't. It didn't help that after it failed is when our doc laid out the percentage rates of it actually working. We were shocked and so frustrated. If we had known we would have waited to save a little more to be able to go through with IVF where we would have better odds.

I can only speak for myself of course, but the emotional toll that it's taken over the years is enough to make anyone break. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests and being smacked in the face with NO. Daily temperature checks. Charting everything. The guilt that I felt because my body just wouldn't work was overwhelming. What should have been a fun experience became a chore and something we both began to resent. It happened so easily for everyone else around us.

After a few more years we decided that maybe having a child just wasn't something that was in the cards for us. I knew how blessed I was to already have my son. But the longing for more children never went away. It was an experience that I longed for us to share together. Manny doesn't have any biological children of his own. He is an amazing step father to Jax and I will forever be grateful for the bond that they share. But Manny didn't get to raise him from the very beginning (Jax was 7). He didn't get to experience all of the wonderful firsts that come along with raising a baby.

IVF is crazy expensive! Seriously its ridiculous and even more so that most insurance companies don't cover it. You would think even having a proven medical condition would help them cover something but NOPE! I never thought in my wildest dreams that just as my first born is about to graduate high school in the next year and a half that I would be starting over.

I never wanted my son to be an only child. I have 3 siblings of my own. An even though we weren't raised together in a traditional sense, I love having them all. You have a built in buddy. Someone to have your back no matter what. Through thick and thin you're a team. Deciding to do IVF at this time in my life has left me with so many uncertainties. But isn't that true with any pregnancy no matter our age? When I had Jax I was 19yrs old. I had no clue what I was doing or how to be a mom. But day by day I figured it out. He became my whole world. Something about being "finished"(I know we're never really done parenting) at 38 (I'm not there yet ;)) just never sat right with me. I love being a mom. If I could keep my son small and at home with me forever I definitely would. Lol. Time is a thief for sure.

In May of this year Manny and I made the decision that it was now or never. God had blessed us financially and made the impossible possible if we just chose to take that leap of faith. So we jumped! We found a different fertility clinic that had wonderful reviews and was also conveniently located to home. Instantly our new doc put our minds at ease and just made everything so easy for us. She didn't sugar coat anything. She gave us all of our options with the percentage rates without making us feel like we had to go one way or another. It was completely up to us which path we chose. We started all of the lab work on both of us making sure that we were both good to move forward. After a few days our doc called and said we were good to go!